It’s a new year and a “new” me

I think I tripped and fell into this year and I’m still struggling to get up. It has been the weirdest transition for me. Normally, I am all about setting up goals for the coming year and am so excited to have a fresh start. But this year, I was not ready for it. I had no time to think about anything. I woke up and it was a new year.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still excited about it being a new year but frankly, I am still trying to process last year.

For me last year had many highlights, but it came with a lot of health issues and some major healing. It’s was probably the hardest year of my life but the year that has given me the most freedom. The hardest times produce some major growth, right? In a nut shell, taking soy, dairy, corn and gluten out of my diet made me feel better than I ever had in my entire life. My hands didn’t swell or ache, my feet didn’t cramp, my skin cleared up and wasn’t itchy. I could actually think clearly and had energy to make it through the day. I could tolerate the sound of my children’s voices and not have crazy outburst of anger. All of these are reasons for me to stay away from my food intolerance until my body heals. I would workout and sweat a bunch and feel amazing, so I also need to find out why my body was so stressed.  I couldn’t figure it out. Nothing in my life had changed and I felt like I had a good grasp on our day to day life. One of the major blessings of the year was that the kids were stable. I realized that that was “the problem”, like having stable kids should be a problem! It was like being in the eye of the storm,  I was inside the calm and could see the chaos around me.

In late October, one of my friends had a baby and he was in the PICU, I was actually able to visit him without feeling overwhelmed. I felt useful in the situation because I could understand what my friend was going through. Thankfully, he was healed and released quickly. But then it set in their baby was well and mine were not. Most likely they would not get better, but actually it was going to possibly get worse. It made me feel very lonely because I could relate to my friend but I had no one that could relate to me. It made me wish that I had not given away my copy of  Hearing Jesus Speaking into Your Sorrow. Shortly after these thoughts, by now it was November, I had a dream about Bentley not surviving his kidney transplant and what my life was like after him. I woke up very upset but didn’t know what to do with such a dream.  A few days after the dream, during a book study with some of the fabulous (I sincerely mean that) women in our church, we were talking about how Jesus wept for the injustice of sin and sickness. Then it dawned on me. I had never once cried about the kids diagnosis.  There was so much to do and get done that I didn’t think about processing it. I trusted God with the situation and so I felt that there was no reason to cry. Well, after 4 years of carrying all that internally my body was breaking. It couldn’t handle it anymore. Let’s just say I had to compose myself for the rest of that book study and lost it a couple days after. I cried on and off for a good week and then I felt like a brand new person. I literally felt 20 lbs lighter! I have never felt angry or questioned, anxious at times because of the waiting, but trusted that this is best for our family and that is God’s amazing grace on me.

Since this healing, I have had two dreams about Bentley having his transplants. One I am laying in the hospital bed with him reading and the other I was doing yoga in the room for him (funny, huh?) But I realize that these dreams, are so kind of God. I don’t see the dream when he doesn’t survive as a nightmare but rather as God coming along side of me and saying, “We can do this, it’s going to be okay.” And I believe that it’s true because no matter the outcome God is still God. He is good and he is loving. I cherish these dreams because they have seriously caused me not to be fearful of the transplants when they come.

So, with all that going on right before the bubonic plague the kids and I had at Thanksgiving, then hustle and bustle of Christmas, it is no wonder that I have not had time to focus on the new year. I am still recovering from the last one. I really have one goal for 2014 and it is to relish life. I want to enjoy every moment. I want more out of life; more fun, more memories, more living, more flossing, more crafting, more painting, more French studies, more friendships, more yoga, more reading, more love, more God. I cannot wait to see what this year has in store for us! As always, thanks for reading!!

xo, nikki :)

Snow day!!

We finally got snow!!! All day, Bentley and I kept praying that it would snow. It was the oddest day. For a little while the clouds were dark, then you would see a patch of blue sky, and then the sun would come out. After about an hour later, it was dark again. Finally the snow came. Just a little at first, then the wind picked up and all you could see was snow!! Unfortunately, Bentley has been sick so we didn’t really get to play in it. BUT, we did go out for a quick ride in the sled and a snow ball fight! Of course, the main concern for Bentley and Marseille was having a real snow cone! Spring now has our blessing to come ;)

xo, nikki :)

Sorry, little blog…

Yes, I have been neglecting you. I’m back now and want to be waaayyyy more consistent.

So, it’s almost Feburary, you may be thinking “What in the heck have you been doing since October?” You probably didn’t say that but I’ll imagine that you did :)

Friends, we have done too much. We’ve done way  too much for comfort, too much busyness, just plain too much. I have felt like that since we went to the beach at the end of the summer.  To some this might not seem like a lot, but for our family it was.

October- I went to NJ, NYC and NY and had a fabulous time. I could not have asked for a better trip! The kids went to Charlotte. Danny got quite a few things done around the house while we were gone. A week long trip takes a week to get ready for and a week to re-coup from.

November- In the beginning of the month we were still trying to get back on track. I had little projects here and there. Then we spent a week preparing for my family to come for Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving, the kids and I went to my parents new place in FL. Danny came and stayed the following weekend. We also got to see my Uncle and his family, which was an added bonus.

December- We came back from FL, and had Danny’s work party. The next week, I had two Christmas parties and a girls night out.  Then that weekend we had a stay-cation for our anniversary. We hit every thrift store in the upstate up to Asheville, NC. It was a lot of fun. Danny took off work, so we had 5 days together. The house got a makeover, specifically our bedroom :) Which then brings us to the weekend before Christmas, we went to Atlanta and came home Christmas Eve. We like waking up on Christmas Day in our home :) Danny’s parents stopped in for Christmas and had dinner with us, as they made their way back from Atlanta.

Confused…

I am too! Oh, and sprinkle in 4 doctor appointments, an ultrasound, and bloodwork too! Their nephrologist believes that since they are progressing so slowly that transplants will not happen for another 5 to 7 years, if at all!! What a blessing! We know that this isn’t a guarantee  but it is exciting all the same! The next round of appointments will not start until the end of Feburary.

We hope that you are looking forward to the new year too!!

xo, nikki :)

ps- enjoy the pictures from October until Christmas!

Snow Day!

Sorry this post is so delayed. Our cable has been out since Sunday evening… so no internet, tv or phone!

Well, we when we began following the weather on Friday, we didn’t’ think it would happen, but it did! The weather was actually forecasted correctly! Sunday it rained, than sleeted, and for over 6 hours snowed! We kept all the blinds open on Sunday to follow what was happening. As the sleet turned to large snowflakes and the snow began to collect the giddier we got. I made dinner to the merry sound of Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra Christmas songs! As the night came to an end, we anticipated waking up to a wintry world of white.

Around 10PM our power went out. Thankfully, all of us were warm in bed (I’m glad I had my book light). Well, about 11PM the low battery chirp of the fire alarms began. Poor Danny, who had just caught a cold earlier in the day, was knocked out from taking medicine had to take the batteries out of the alarms. By 12AM the power was back on! Thank you Duke Energy!!

When we woke up Monday morning, we were not disappointed. There was a ton of snow! Around 6” of snow covering our home! It was beautiful. Everyone ate their breakfast and got bundled up to enjoy our snow! Bentley was not really thrilled with the snow. It could be because he couldn’t move in his snow suit! Well, we let him experience it and brought him back inside. Danny and I built a snowman, made snow angels, and had a little snow ball fight. After Bentley’s nap we went to the store to pick up some lunch and dinner for the next two nights. We couldn’t believe how many cars got stuck in the snow or in accidents! Thankfully, our car has 4 wheel drive and we had no problem at all getting around.

Here are some pictures of our exciting day!

The snow just beginning to stick.

Our home!

Danny and Bentley’s first snowman!

Our slide show!

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