She laughs at the time to come…

Well, if you had seen me the past few days you’d think I was a chicken with my head cut off. I feel like this week started and ran away from me!
Monday was a relatively normal day, with planning for the week!
Tuesday: afternoon appointment at the Peds office. CLEAR! Good news.
Wednesday: Sewing lessons, afternoon Nephrology appointment, running around to different pharmacies to fill Rx.
Thursday: Went to one pharmacy– given wrong info, went to the other side of town. They can fill it but it won’t be ready until 3:00PM— it’s 10AM! OKAY, do a couple of errands, and sewing lessons. Then my Dr. appointment for my shoulder. Get home, eat dinner and go to a quick photo shoot!
Friday: Marseille’s photo shoot. Minute clinic for a UTI, then grocery shopping. Whew!
It has been a busy week, but God has been encouraging us so much through our care group! We love them so much and are so grateful for them!
Well, here is the deal with my shoulder. Just before I was pregnant with Bentley, I got a spasm in my shoulder. It wasn’t too bad, but it was a constant tick. Then it sort of went away in between pregnancies and then came back worse with Marseille. Since then it gets bad only when I work it too hard. About a month ago, I was massaging my neck and shoulders and notice a REALLY hard large knot in my left shoulder. I had Danny feel it and he wanted me to get it check out. By the time I finally had a chance to get it check out, Bentley and Marseille got sick (the wheezing and ear infections!) and I put it on hold until they got better.
So, I finally got to the Dr. yesterday. I told him about the knot and he thought I should get a CT scan, so that way he could better tell what exactly it is and where to direct me. At first he wanted to refer me to a general surgeon, but he brought in another Dr. and he looked at it and say it definitely is something that needs to be looked into and taken care of. His exact words, “Whoa, that is really hard bro!”
The mass is hard and about the size of a golf ball. It’s tender to the touch and even more so now because people have been poking around at it. Otherwise, the actual mass doesn’t hurt, but my neck, collar bone and back are very sore. When I lift my arm it feels like my circulation is being cut off in my arm to my hand. It’s not really pleasant trying to care for two small children with my arm being out of commission.
I’m really hoping and praying that the CT scan will show what it is. I was really hoping that it was just that my muscle was in a knot and I was going to need physical therapy, but it’s looking like surgery is going to be my option.
When I left the appointment and sat down in the car, my eyes welling with tears, I thought, “Really God, I feel like you are crushing me. I’m not sure why all these things are happening at once. I know that you are good, but I’m struggling right now.” I really wasn’t struggling with the fact that there is something wrong or that I have to have surgery. I was struggling with the inconvenience of it all. How am I going to take care of my family, how am I going to run the half marathon that I paid for, how am I going to remember to give Bentley and Marseille their medicine everyday twice a day, how am I going to be in a wedding, how, how, how? I stopped thinking, put on “Come Weary Saints” and cried.
He offers the peace that you yearn to know
Hide away in the love of Jesus.
My life is not peaceful right now, but I have peace with God and that is more important than any trial in my life.
After I regained composure, I called Danny to let him know the results, which were not much! He immediately encouraged me and asked if I was okay with everything. I was so grateful and I was okay, esp. since he asked.
My CT scan is scheduled for Tuesday 8/24, if you think about it please pray that they find exactly what it is and they know what to do about it and even that God would heal me!
Well, all I can do is laugh (and cry) at our current situation! I have today and am not guaranteed tomorrow. Another thing that I’m really grateful about is that we already have our vacation set up. We might not have taken it with all that has been going on!
This is my verse: Psalm 119:67
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I keep your word.

The more God uses suffering and affliction, the more I speak truth to myself, and I couldn’t be more grateful!

Every Day
By Joel Sczebel and Todd Twining
As recorded on Come Weary Saints

In Your grace, You know where I walk
You know when I fall
You know all my ways
In Your love, I know You allow
What I cannot grasp
To bring You praise

Thank You for the trials

For the fire, for the pain

Thank You for the strength

Knowing You have ordained

Every day

Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see
Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again

In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day (repeat)

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)/Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)


6 thoughts on “She laughs at the time to come…”

  1. Thanks for posting this. I was crying prior (and still am) to reading your blog. We are suffering too and it's hard, but we know that God's grace is sufficient and His plan is perfect. I want to laugh at the days to come too, but like my latest blog post says, I'm scared of the days to come…I don't want to lose more babies, but then I remember that God lost His Son too. I'm thankful to be a Christian in the midst of suffering!

  2. I love you Nikki. I'm sorry that you are going through so much right now, but I am so very thankful that you are focused on Christ through this. He loves you so much, and He is sovereign in all things. Your faith and trust in Him has been so encouraging to me and to other ladies in our church. Keep preaching the gospel to yourself. And please let us know how we can help. I will continue praying for you friend.

  3. I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. I was just telling my mom today "Could anything else go wrong for her?" :) But you have such a sweet spirit about it all, knowing God is in control and will not give you more than you can handle. The strength and trust from God that you display truly is an encouragement!

  4. I love you Nikki. You are such an encouragement to me. You live out the command to not be anxious and to not think about tomorrow. You rightly apply the truth of the Gospel…..our biggest problem has been taken care of on the cross. Thank you for living out the Gospel. Thank you also for openly sharing your struggles and requesting prayer. We are praying for you and love you very much!

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