This is a long post… for me. This is more a reminder to me than an update or post.
My journal entry from Feb. 28, 2008
Well, if you can escape catastrophe four days in a row, I might have a “normal” day.
So far, we found out that our refinancing might fall through because the bank doesn’t believe that our house is worth the amount that it appraised for.
Second, my driver’s license and tag has been suspended because the computer at the DMV says that I showed no proof of insurance at the time of the accident. Which, was back in Oct and I was on the phone with the insurance company when the officer was writing the police report!
And… on Monday I developed a fever of 101.7 degrees. I had to go to the doctor’s because I developed a UTI. My fever has continued until last night.
Which reminds me, I dropped a plate on straight on my newly pedicured toe and now have a purple to nail that is going to fall off. Just great!
I really do feel like I’m being tormented. I have not seen Bentley for 3 days, which means 6 visits. I got really angry last night when I couldn’t see him. I’m just getting so tired of waiting and wanting to have him, plus having to explain what’s wrong with him over and over again. I don’t understand why we have to go through all of this right now. If the baby wasn’t enough of a problem, now the house, the car and license and my stupid fever, plus my throbbing toe! I’m tired and I don’t want to do this anymore, even though I know each day it gets closer to bringing Bentley home. I want him here so badly.
Bentley’s respiratory rate is still very high, so they haven’t taken him off the respirator yet. They have started to give him my milk again and he is getting steroids. Hopefully, this will help him improve quickly. They have agreed to let me do Kangaroo Care, which is where you hold the baby skin to skin for several hours. It’s supposed to help them nurse faster and be comforted by you. That’s why I want this fever to go, so I can start to do this! For now that is all the updates for the past 3 days.
Later that day…
Well, I just got a call from the hospital and they said that Bentley is off the respirator! He is doing great. He’s had two bottles already. They said that I can start breastfeeding whenever I come in! Yay!
Right after receiving that call Danny called me to tell me that the car should be reinstated in a couple of hours. Then, not two minutes after we hung up he called back and said the next appraiser was coming out between 1:30PM-2:30PM to reappraise the house.
God your ways are very mysterious. I can’t believe the very minute I’m complaining about my circumstances, You are already solving them. You are so faithful even when I am not. Thank you for your faithfulness and I praise you for the work you have done in our lives, mostly mine, Bentley’s and Danny’s.
Yesterday, I read some of the Psalms and one specifically stood out to me.
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
What a difference a year makes!
Mark 9:14-29 really helped me through this time. I remember the sermon on this passage because it stuck out to me so clearly when our church was going through Mark. The point of the sermon was sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. And that was definitely true in my life. Everything seemed to be getting worse and worse. We had so many set backs with Bentley and then all the other circumstances that came up seemed to be going badly made if feel like it really couldn’t get any worse.
Thankfully, God is sovereign and I never forgot that truth. No matter the outcome of any and all of these circumstances one fact could never change. I have my salvation. Jesus Christ dying the on cross for me was more important than anything. Even if Bentley had died, I am still going to heaven. Each day, I thank God for Bentley and for his life and allowing us to walk through our trial trusting and glorifying Him.